Its been quite a while since I've updated this journal, and I have a very good reason for that. That reason is that I've been swamped with exam studying and papers to write and speeches to compose. I feel like studying is all I've ever done in my life. But, surprisingly enough, all of this studying stuff works. I'm serious. The more I study, the better my grades seem to be. Its amazing. Something I never believed until now. Why didn't someone tell me about this before?
lol I've been kind of shut off from the world lately. No gaming, no phones, no going out with friends.
I have been seeing alot of Jason. But my God, he's just so ....seeable! lol *sigh*
Its tentative. But technically, I've been accepted to UNC Charlotte for next year.
See, what happened is this -
I called UNC Charlotte the other day. The day I mailed my application and stuff. I asked to speak to a counselor because I had some questions and stuff, right? But then, its me, and I always have questions. lol I think my eagerness (is that valid here?) was pretty evident to the counselor on the phone. I pretty much asked her if she thought my chances were good. And she said that my acceptance was almost assured. She said that I would probably receive a letter of contingency admission. What means pretty much that my final admission will be contingent upon whether or not I pass my classes next semester. Which of course, I definitely will!
Its safe to say that I'm extremely happy about this.
I'll be leaving the little rural hole in the road that is my home once again for a big city. I'll miss the little town of Hamlet. ahhh nostalgia before I've even left. lol
So many museums in Charlotte. I'll be happy. The only thing I'm a littel apprehensive about it the roommate thing. Ya know, what if I don't get along with her? What if she doesn't like me? Most importantly, what if she doesn't show up?!
hah. All stuff that is so far away in time and yet it all seems so distressingly vital right now.
Jason and I went out the other night. Understand that right now this is all still just "good friends who kiss occasionally" stuff. We ended up by the Falls just outside of Rockingham. We were talking about the stuff that's been going on with us lately. I think this says it all.
Jason - I think that one of these days we're going to have to make a decision as to whether or not this will be anything else.
Naomi - I think you're absolutely right.
Jason - You obviously didn't start this between us just so we could keep doing this "friends with benefits" thing.
Naomi - You're right. I didn't.
Jason - You've been hinting at this for years.
Naomi - Ever since I was 16.
Jason - Right. And you're 19 now.
Naomi - And you're 24, Jason.
Jason - Right. So like I was saying, you're the same age I was when I met you. And you're a whole hell of a lot different then when I met you. You've changed. In a good way. (comment - I liked the sound of that) And I think I underestimate you a little. Still think of you sometimes like I do Amelia (his sister - I almost killed him right then and there).
(I think he saw the look on my face at that comment)
Jason - Not like that. Its just that you've always been so wildly impulsive (he was talking about me, right?). And you're different now. More mature certainly than you were at 14. And more mature than you were at 16. Hell, you're more mature than you were when you left last year. (Goal scored for me!)
Naomi - And, I can't be certain because this is you. But, I think those thoughts are good ones.
Jason - They are. You've surprised me.
Naomi - Once I let you get to know me right?
Jason - So what's your name again?
lol. Think any ground was paved in that conversation? It is nice to know that he's beginning to see that this could work. Now if I can just get him to cook me food and we'll be okay. The only thing that bothers me is that this is his last year of university. After this, for him, its off to Belgium to his parents or to Washington D.C. And I go to Charlotte. Why did he have to wait so long to agree to go out with me?
haha. Well, this is sort of a duty post, since I really don't have anything interesting to wite abot. Except for the fact that i was late for my Psych final today.
Alright. So I think I should mention that I have a serious addiction to the programming on WB's Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights. This is bad. I sometimes still get hankerings for Dawson's Creek. Though I think this could be a by-product of my strange teenage development years. Or those strange little green men I like to hang out with *wink wink*. lol
I'm in a serious mood for some good country songs. Old ones that came out when I was a kid. Like some old Tim McGraw stuff. Gosh, I miss the music of my childhood. - Oh wow. I sound like an adult there.
That IS scary. lol
Brandy called me tonight to talk. I think I was kinda distant at first. But then, after awhile it was the same old laughing and joking conversation stuff that we do, so we're still cousins, I think. She just gets abducted every once awhile and becomes the alien Brandy. I'm sure she would not agree with my words there.
I went on myhiddentalent.com to see if anyone had written any comments about my stuff. I mean, I know I'm not the greatest poetry writer in the world, and I haven't written anything in ages, but I think they should say something on there about my stuff. I think some of those poems were pretty good for a 16 year old. My favorite one was written when I still in great angst over Jason (Stevens). This was when I couldn't figure out how he really felt about me.
Strange stuff went on out there. I didn't really tell anything about life out there. I never mentioned my job when I was working at Applebee's. I never talked about how fun it was to go out with Jesse and Jamie. I miss my apartment quite a bit. We took pictures of it around Christmastime last year before I flew home for the holidays, but we never developed them. The first huge snow we took a bunch of pictures. But we never developed those either. I miss Denver. :(
I miss Aurora! And Hobby Lobby! And boy do I ever miss the Virgin Records store downtown!
I wanted a pet, and our lease didn't allow us to have any animals in the apartment. Our lease also didn't allow us to have more than two people living there, but Josh lived with us for two months. I have fond memories of his Game Cube. lol Anywho, because we couldn't have a pet, Jason went out and got me this ugly little stuffed tiger. lol It looked like a warped Simba (Lion King). We named it Polly (made of Polyester - admire our ingenuity alright!). We would have had Allie the alligator. But that's another story.
Marc thought I was deliberately ignoring him. He came over last night to tell me that.
Jazz got online the other day to tell me to call him. Then when I called him, he argued with me. ugh
Jason's coming over tonight after he gets off work. yay! I get to see my buddy. My hot buddy. hehe
One thing to write about is that I have an excellent chance of getting into Unc-Charlotte. *little happy happy joy joy dance*
I keep telling myself i need to work on a journal program for my other computer. But everytime I start, I come to this one, and I start dling music and chatting on Omega. I should probably be writing a paper or something right now. In fact, I know I should. But I'm pretty much ahead with my work right now so I can afford to screw around for a few hours. Then I should probably work on some papers. *mental note to self - do homework!*
Oh by the way, just for the information of those precious few who read this journal, someone with one leg and one arm is acceptable. Anything less and I head for the hills.
My brother has been calling alot. I really want to go Philadelphia and visit the family. Much missing here of my brother and aunts, uncles, and cousins. And my grandmother.
I also need to update the site. And I will! I promise. *damn all this freezing up of omega* - strike that
I'm going to need to learn some different html for the addition I'm thinking of making to the site. So, more to come on that.
Cassinda has been descending upon my bookshelf lately with greedy eyes. lol I think its so great. I'm happy that she's interested in my books. There are obviously quite a few that are either two "adult" for her or just some that she is too young to comprehend the themes.
Oh. Something that has been happening lately that I feel the need to write about. Maybe it'll make me feel better about the situation.
Okay, a little background on tab and me.
We met through Brandy when I was 14 and she was 13. We first talked on the phone once. we're almost exact opposites in outward appearance, not to mention the fact that i'm a pale white girl and she's black. But, what makes us such good friends, or did, is that we have the same values in life. We came from similar backgrounds and we've always understood each other near perfectly.
Maybe that's the problem.
A few days ago Brandy told me that she thought I felt closer to tab than her. I love my cousin like a sister. However, I love tab as well. I don't know why they think they have to compete or something. They're both so important to me. The family I wish I had.
Anyway, tab and I, we been through alot together. I trust her with everything. She believed in me when I went to Denver. No one else did and I loved her for that.
Or at least, I used to think I oculd trust her with everything.
But now she seems to imitating my mistakes to the letter. She's skipping school like you wouldn't believe. She's so freaking smart, if she'd only go. I don't know how to make her understand that I'm on my last chance. And if she doesn't stop doing the shit she's doing, she may not get a last chance. *sigh*
She stayed with us for a week a couple of months ago. She never paid us like she said she would. And when we called her on it, she ditched us.
Bran said she saw her in school the other day, and Tab asked her if i was mad at her. I told Bran to tell her that the sooner she calls me, the less mad I'll be. She did, and Tab told Bran to tell me to call Tab. And Bran told Tab that I couldn't because I don't know where she's staying! She said, "Oh yeah. That's right." And walked away.
She says she cares about this friendship. But there's only so many chances I can give my best friend.
*sigh* what to do what to do
I miss Denver. Have I mentioned that lately? I don't miss Jason. I do miss having someone though. *shivers* I miss Denver. I miss my job at Applebee's. I miss my apartment. Damn him. I promise that one day I'll post the story of what happened to make me come home. I may even post the story of how I left for Denver in teh first place. lol
Oh yes, I should probably talk about how I adore Kazaa. lol I love this song. Breathe by Michelle Branch. I dled it today, and I remembered how much I love Michelle Branch. I need to dl my ozzy song, some more linkin park, that atari song that I like...
I also to get a new qbasic game off the net. I love those games! I miss miss miss my atari 2600. I wish it still worked. :( But, I still have my computer. And I want a game cube to play Resident Evil 0 all I want. lol
Damn, Naomi has a headache. Too much music, computer screens, and thinking. I always knew Steve was right and that all my thinking would one day hurt me. lol
See! I also miss Steve. And Jeff. Crazy idiot that he was. And Blair. I miss Cass and Zach. That's it! I'm going to Denver next year when I get the money. lol
Well, okay, no I haven't. But it sounded pretty good just typing it.
I'm still experiencing great lust when it comes to my friend Jason.
Just thought I'd mention that.
All the classes I want for next semester are open. *little happy dance*
Shawshank Redemption is going off now. I love that movie. One of my favorites. Great acting, great plot, and a fantastic ending.
Have I mentioned that I'm still experiencing lustful feelings for my friend?
lol Oh. Yeah, I have. lol
Oh well, I'm 19. I'm a healthy female.
Whaddaya want from me?!
What can I say about life right now except that it seems so overwhelming at the moment. I have two papers to do. One is for psychology and the other is an annotated bibliography for history. But I haven't really truly started on either of them. After I get done writing this, I'll go up to the second floor of the library and begin my research.
I like the second floor of the library at my school. Its always so quiet up there. I like how I can sit down at one of the study carrels and just do what i need to do, and even thought there may be people all around me, with study carrel walls, it feels like I'm still separate from everyone. Its a nice way to study. Everytime I go up there and see a bunch of people at the study carrels and tables, first I get kind of weary like Okay, I probably won't be able to get anything done today. But once I get into my work, they all go away. So, that's why I like it up there. Its like a whole other world separate from the rest of the campus. I don't know why i like libraries so much. I think its because of the peace and escape that they offer. Its like, you can go into a library, get a book, and all your problems disappear. You get dragged into someone else's life for a short while. There problems become yours. But when you close the book and put it back on the shelf, you can leave the problems in the book.
I messaged Jason yesterday. I don't know why. Maybe i was curious as to what he would say. I really wanna get accepted to Unc - Charlotte. I've decided that my first spring break, I'm going to go to Denver and visit the city. I really miss Denver. I miss the mall. There is absolutely no place like the 16th Street Mall. My absolute favorite place in Denver besides Aurora and Glendale.
I wonder sometimes what I'll think of Charlotte if I get to go. I've spent like a day in Charlotte, but I've never been there for longer than that. Much less lived there.
I still can't believe that i'm applying to a university. It was one thing to apply here at RCC and get accepted. I knew they'd accept me. My scores were excellent. And if you make the minimum scores on the college placement exam, they have to accept you at a community college. But, this...this is a university. This is even different than going and living in Denver.
Oh what am I talking about?! Why do I analyse myself so freaking much?! There is nothing to worry about. When I explain to them my circumnstances, they'll understand and they'll definitely accept me because I'm just so darned smart!
Okay, well the meeting that they were holding in the library is over. That was the only thing stopping me from goiing in the and studying upstairs. So, I'm going to go seriously hit the books hard.
I'm hungry hungry hungry!!!!!
I think I may head over to the school cafeteria and scope me some munchies. After that though, its back to the library to stick my head in a book with no hopes of being able to emerge for hours. *grumble of stomach* Or maybe that was me grumbling because I have so much work to do?
My alarm clock is being a little bitch. Its purposely spiting me because it knows i hate its sound in the mornings. So, this morning, ya know what it does?
It doesn't go off! At all. Such a freaking bitchy little thing. I oughtta go home and kick its little ass. But alas, no i can't. Why?
Because I, Naomi, have so much work to do that its a wonder I can hear anything will the books piled up around my ears.
Nofe air! Nofe air!
At least i'm almost done with all the stuff I need to do for my application to UNC - Charlotte. All I have to do now is write them a letter explaining my transcripts and why the high school ones particularly suck. But that the transcripts after that, don't suck at all. They rock!
Well, sort of. I got a 93 on my english essay. How ya like that? A 93! Of all the stinking grades I could have gotten, I got a 93 for Chrissakes!
But then, I guess I sort of asked for such a poor grade when I asked her to grade me just a wee bit tougher than she did the last time.
Last time, I got a 95. If I was pissed with a 95, how does she think I feel with a 93?!
Oh bah. FOooooooooOOOOOodddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is it. This is when I found out whether or not I have what it takes to get into a real university. I've filled out the application the way its supposed to be and everything looks good. I sent in requests for my GED and college transcripts today. Tomorrow, I go to pick up my high school transcripts.
All that I have to do after I get my transcripts is wait until Nov. 10 when the new schedule for next semester at my community college is posted. Then, I'll be able to tell UNC-Charlotte just exactly what classes I'll be taking next semester. Then I can send them a money order along with all the other stuff. And wait. And wait.
I don't know if I'll be able to deal with all the waiting.
I want to get accepted so much.
God, this is a bitch. Why won't he stop?
There is so much going through my head right now. I keep thinking. I keep thinking about stuff I shouldn't be thinking about. People I have no business thinking about.
I'm not sure if...if these thoughts are good or bad. I mean, one minute I tell myself they're good. Then the next, they're bad. It seems as if I'm in very strong like. This is about the only I can describe the thoughts I'm having and the feelings I'm having. I don't know. Is this wrong? Should I be thinking about him in this way? Especially after what happened.
This guy is..
he's not a knight on a white charger...lol and he isn't the guys in the romance novels I read. he isn't built like a god either. But somehow, none of that seems to matter. I really don't give a fuck about all of that.
And its like, all this is supposed to be over.
What the fuck!