October 23rd, 2003

hecticity

Is that even a word? lol I'm not sure. And I guess it doesn't even matter. There is groundbreaking news in the world of Psyche. My goddamned AOL connection has been suspended. I can't remember where else I wrote this....oh yeah, my new AIM profile, but anyway, I'm not the one who pays for the master account, so I'm not the reason this happened. Makes me feel at least somewhat placated about the entire situation. Besides the fact that I now have to use netzero to log on the fucking internet. How screwed up is that?!
Ya know, I was just fine and dandy with my aol account. I had my own screen name plus I had screen names to give away. AND not only that, but I had my own aol email address. I could log onto the internet with my own aol account. And now, I'm having to one of those free ISP connections. The ones where you only get ten hours of use a month. Which, have I mentioned, really bites me in the ass. So, I signed up for a temporary email address with hotmail. This really fucking bites.
So, yesterday James and D came over. She said she couldn't find her makeup bag or whatever and was wondering if she'd left it at my house. Which, btw, I have not seen. So anyway, after we settle that, they ask me if i want to go out with them. I'm like sure, why not? I should probably add that while we were at the house, James kept telling me that the loss of my email address was not the end of the world and that the earth was in fact, still turning on its axis. I should also mention that I'm kinda pissed off at the guy who pays for my internet account because the only reason the account is suspended is because the guy wants to be a jackass. I really hate the bastard. And not because of this. The guy is a fucking crook anyway, so hell ya know.
Anywho, we got in the car and decided we wanted to go to Wal-Mart and get something to drink. The entire drive there I kept urging D to run over someone to assuage my need for revenge in a deadly fashion. I really was pissed off yesterday. More than I am now. I wish I'd have been able to write about this yesterday when it was all still fresh in my mind. Then I really would've surprised whoever reads this journal. James kept asking me if I heard voices. And if so, were they really telling me to tell D to run over all these people.
After we left Wal-Mart, james decided I might like The Cutting Edge. I did dude! That place is fucking awesome. I saw this sticker that i really wanted to buy but couldn't because I'm broke. It read: "Donors wanted - Orgasm needed"
Me being me, I loved it. Not to mention this good keychain that I saw that read: There are only two rules when in a relationship with a women: #1. The women is always right. AND #2. If the woman is not right, SEE RULE #1.
lol....I thought that rocked. I saw some other stuff I wanted. I may go back when I get paid.
After we left there we went back to my house where i had a plate of spaghetti. We then left again. We walked around stores. D and I kept teasing James with lingerie and such. While we were in the car, he brought the subject that the last time he and his gf had sex, he didn't use a condom. And now she's got some flu-like symptoms. Since the kid's only 15, I advised him to call the girl immediately and talk to her about it. Ordinarily, I wouldn't hang around someone so young. But I forget sometimes how young the guy is. I honestly thought he was my age when I first met him.
Anywho, we went back to my house where he called his gf in my room and asked her if she thought she was pregnant or not. What really blew my mind is that while we were still in the car, D and James were telling me that this girl apparently WANTS to have a baby. At fifteen years old. Can you even imagine?! I remember thinking I was pregnant right after Jas and I broke up. It really is no fun to imagine.
So this kid's thoughts are running wild imagining his life with a child. And then when he calls the girl up and asks her, she won't give him a straight answer. She finally says she thinks she might be but she doesn't know. Before James and D left, I patted the kid on the head and wished him the best of luck with what little time remained of his youth. heh I really don't think she's pregnant. I mean, for all I know, she could be. But the story he told me just doesn't fit the timing. So, no I don't think she is. But it isn't a possibility that can be discounted. So, he waits. Poor dude.
Jazz and I....we're on tentative speaking terms I guess. I think. I dunno. He kept saying stuff last night that referenced to what happened in a light kind of way. Needless to say, I told him to kiss my ass. But then, that's just me. So, I don't think he's offended. But I am kind of pissed. But then, i'll get over it. There's always Marc. Fine-ass man that he is. MMM mmm mmm...yummy
If ever there were the perfect toy for a girl.......

he isn't it.
However, I do know the perfect boytoy. Think about him and my mouth waters with sheer desire and delight. Name's Jason coincidentally. But I've known this guy longer than I knew Stevens. This one is just so delightfully delicious. My own cousin has the love of her young life and her mouth still waters whenever I mention my fine friend Jason. I can't say that I really want to date him. In fact, all I really want to do is convince him to engage in a very hot one night stand with me. Whenever I look at this friend, I see the very vision of the word sex.
lol...the guy actually happens to be a good, long time friend. But damn if he isn't also one fine friend.
An ass made for some Levis. Not muscular but not bony either. Six feet even and i think like 175 lbs? I'm not sure. All I know is, there is not an ounce of fat on that man's thighs. Such powerful looking thighs. And hair that I just want to run my hands through all day and night. Hands....well, we won't go there.
What I'm saying is, the man symbolizes the vision of sex. And not just for me, I know. lol
24, sexy as hell, one damn intelligent guy, and as confident and cocky as a man can be without being an asshole. And yes he has brothers my friends. Two younger brothers. One's 21 and the other's 14. I'm friends as well with the middle one. He isn't his brother but he doesn't look that bad either. lol
These are men made for sex.
Hmmph well....


Don't know how I got off on that tangent, but I kinda liked it. hehe

(no subject)

There is so much going through my head right now. I keep thinking. I keep thinking about stuff I shouldn't be thinking about. People I have no business thinking about.
I'm not sure if...if these thoughts are good or bad. I mean, one minute I tell myself they're good. Then the next, they're bad. It seems as if I'm in very strong like. This is about the only I can describe the thoughts I'm having and the feelings I'm having. I don't know. Is this wrong? Should I be thinking about him in this way? Especially after what happened.
This guy is..
he's not a knight on a white charger...lol and he isn't the guys in the romance novels I read. he isn't built like a god either. But somehow, none of that seems to matter. I really don't give a fuck about all of that.
And its like, all this is supposed to be over.
What the fuck!